Mistletoe

Kissing under the mistletoe may have been started by our Druid friends.

Boy am I greatful for their influence!

LOTR Blunders

Here are some funny blunders in the LOTR movies. Peter Jackson even discusses some of them.

What do men find romantic?

Today on MSN there is an interesting article called What Do Men Find Romantic?. I was pleasntly surprised by what I read. Men, do you agree with this article?

It is common knowledge that men have well confused the female population over this issue for quite some time.
For example, this last summer Carlene and I had a conversation with two guys about what is romantic and what isn't. We were quite surprised that we didn't agree on a few issues. One is the following:
Moonlight shining across the Puget Sound- Romantic. Guy makes comment that it's as romantic as a light shinning on a pan of black oil- not romantic.

Here are a few other romantic VS not romantic examples Carlene and I came up with. Men, please feel free to give your imput.

The guy gets you flowers- romantic. He volunteers you to do lots of yard work for old people- not romantic

Takes you to a haunted house around halloween- romantic. Takes a concealed weapon- not romantic

Writes a song for you on his guitar- romantic. The song is super cheesy (Ronald McDonald cheesy)- not romantic.

He tells you you look like a movie star- romantic. It's an elderly movie star- not romantic.

He buys you clothes- romantic. It's 6 sizes too big- not romantic.

Door step kiss- romantic. Swallows your head or teeths you- not romantic.

Takes you fishing- romantic. Yells at you for scaring the fish away- not romantic

Smiles at you from across the room- romantic. Up close he has lettuce hanging from his front teeth- not romantic.

Dialect

Have yo' evah wanted t'talk wif a diffrunt dialeck? Say perhaps, Elmer Fud, Redneck, Swedish Chef, Mo'on? Check out this hyar site.

Keep your cell number

Starting today, you can now keep your cell number when switching carriers. However, I won't be first in line to make the change. There is a good chance that there will be some glitches day one.

Jackson. Guilty or Innocent?

It appears that Michael Jackson has found himself in yet another pickle.

I'm the sort of person who likes to believe a person is innocent, but I also despise the idea of a person getting away with bad stuff just because their a celebrity.

What do you think, guilty or innocent?

The season is rolling in

Over the last week I have been overwhelmed with the holiday sale ads, the scent of mulberry and cinnamon, seeing people put up holiday lights, working on holiday crafts with my family and dreaming up holiday parties. Up until now, I've been able to control my holiday excitement, but today the final straw was plucked from my pile. This morning on the 2news channel, they had Kurt Bestor perform some of his beautiful holiday music.

I don't think I can hold back any longer. I might have to allow this holiday season to overexcite me and cause me to go shopping. Oooo ~shiver~

Thomas Hardy & Eoin Colfer

I recently finished Thomas Hardy's "Jude The Obscure". It's about a boy named Jude and this is his life story. He meets up with some troublesome gals, and his life is miserable until the end (when he dies). This was the last novel Hardy wrote, and it was quite scandalous. I personally despised the novel.

I also just finished Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer. As Colfer puts it, it's "Die Hard with fairies". It's quite good and I highly suggest reading this. If you like Harry Potter, I'm sure you'll really enjoy this book.

This evening I'm chilling with my brother who already burned one pizza in the oven, now he's working on burning the second. He calls it "cajun style" and he's trying to get me to eat it. Of course, you can't expect much from him, it's a family thing. My sister burns popcorn all the time, and actually convinced her kids that the best is the burnt stuff. Now they all fight for the chared pieces. These aren't old kids, the ages are 5-16. Yes, we're a family of evil dooers.

Entertainment at Work

Do you ever have those days at work where you feel as though you're going to fall asleep, or perhaps you feel as though there is a tickle at the back of your neck that is telling you run up and down the hall with your arms waving madly screaming "Their coming to take me away"?

Well, don't answer that. Here are a few mind distracting bits of goodness. Consider it a bit of dancing magic for your eyes. Sit back, turn up the music and enjoy.
Dance Ditty #1
Dance Ditty #2
Dance Ditty #3

Getting Old

I received this funny email from my mother. I just had to share.

George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!! But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Recipe Search

Today I came across a recipe site that I really enjoyed. It's cooks.com and if the words red snapper, garlic mashed potatoes, apple crisp and baked ribs don't cause your mouth to water, I suggest you go see the doctor, because something must be wrong with you.

Another Mormon Movie

This time it's called Pride & Prejudice A Latter-day comedy. Jason Faller is the producer of this Jane Austen calssic. He says, "It's not an inside Mormon joke. It has a market," Fuller said. " 'Pride and Prejudice' has a huge following. It's kind of like 'Star Wars' for women."

At first I was a little prejudice at the thought of another remake, but after reading the article I'm convinced that it might be worth seeing.

Halloween Costume

Help my friends. Usually by this time of year my dazzling, award winning Halloween costume is almost complete. This year I have made a late start and the ideas are few. Do you have any good costume ideas?

Disk Golf

Last week I was able to runaway from home and enjoy the beauty offered by nature in Yellowstone. We visited the grand canyon inside the park and Old Faithful. Both were amaizing to see.

Besides visiting Yellowstone, I was able to play a couple games of disk golf. In the past, I've played a version of Frisby Golf, but had no idea that this is a real sport where people can actually spend loads of $$.

There are several types of disks one can use, all depending on the conditions, speed, distance and so forth. I mostly used the Innova's shark for my driver and a simple putter for the rest. I found that with the right tools, even a bad frisby thrower like me can throw a mean disk.

This is an enjoyable sport that I could easily get addicted to. For all those interested, I found a web site that can help you find the right disks for you.

Pick your new car

The 2003 Frankfurt
Motor Show has a dazzling selection of cars to expect in the near future. Some are amazingly hot, like the Ferrari 575M Maranello and Porsche 911 Turbo Cabriolet, and some are gag worthy, like the Mitsubishi 'i' Concept, Toyota CS&S Concept and Peugeot 4002 Concept.
Being a practical gal, I'll be getting the Maserati Spyder Vintage.

Opposite Sex Confusion

This evening I received a frantic call from my good friend Edmond. He received a thank you note from a gal he's been dating recently. With the exception of one word, the letter gives the impression that the girl really enjoys being with him, and appreciates having him around. The one dreadful word used is "Friendship". Yes my friends... that horrible word was used in what could possibly have been a love letter. Why do we do this? We all have our reasons, but let's face it, reading minds is something we all stink at. Friendship is such a nasty word when the word "love" could be used in its place. I don't know what sort of advice to give Eddie, so I turn to you. What should he do?

Life Lessons

Watching other people and their lives can sometimes be the best sort of lesson to learn. Don't copy your neighbor.

Festival of the Lion King

Disney Worlds Animal Kingdom has produced a show that has dazzled people of all ages. I first saw The Festival of The Lion King Nov 1999. Since then, It's been my dream to run away to Orlando and perform in the show as a monkey, a fire dancer or a zebra. Here are some additional pictures of the show. The monkeys do some amaizing acrobatic work while the kingdom of animals dances around the audience. If you want to see a colorful show that will dance in your mind for years, see this one.

It was a good day until I got home

I got home this evening only to find that the cat smeared stuff in the bathroom, then urinated on my foot (accidently) while I was cleaning up the mess. To make matters worse, I found that my roommates friend had flooded the washing machine and the house was filled with a mysterious smoke that came from the dryer.

Tell me my friends. Is this the sort of thing one can expect when you have kids?

My one desire is to lock all my doors and pop in the movie Pretty In Pink. Anyone want a cat?

Halloween Wigs

Halloween is quickly coming upon us and for all those who want to dress as Legolas from LOTR, this guy will show you how to make the wig. It's cost efficient and somewhat time consuming.

One thing is certain. The girls will swoon.

All to impress you babe

I've always wondered what sort of people write computer worms and viruses. According to this article many of these computer junkies are just out to impress a girl or their friends.

As Dale Carnegie puts it: "When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity."

Top 10 Things I Never Thought I'd Say

10- I want a Tony Bennett CD
9- Oh yes, you can wear that tie. Paisley is back.
8- Did that dog just goose me?
7- "Danke Schoen" is sung by a GUY?
6- I want that beaded lamp shade.
5- Atticus, don't be boring. Play!
4- (To the guy at the Pottery Barn sales counter) Does that shag rug come in harvest gold?
3- Dad, I think you need to take more pictures. You missed a good angle.
2- Na, he's too tall.
1- Maybe orange and green appliances in the kitchen would look cool.

Pirate Songs

I admit I'm completely fascinated with pirates. When the movie Cuthroat Island came out, I was thrilled at the idea that women could be pirates. 10 years from now when the movie is redone, trust that I will work my hardest to play the part of Morgan.

Because of this pirate fascination, I found lyrics to two of my favorite pirate songs. Join me in a chantey of "Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirates Life For Me", and "Yo Ho Ho & A Bottle Of Rum".

Daphne du Maurier

Have you ever wondered who wrote the story "The Birds"? Her name is Daphne du Maurier and was born in 1907. The idea for the story came one day when she was watching a farmer work while some birds were playing around him. She wondered what it would be like if the birds suddenly attacked him. A rather morbid story, but entertaining nonetheless.

If you enjoyed that story, I highly recommend reading Rebecca, a story about a new bride who is haunted by the memory of her husbands dead wife. Or "The Apple Tree" which is in the same book as "The Birds" and is about a man who is being tortured by an apple tree that resembles his neglected wife. This story is rather strange, but certainly worth reading.

Next time you're in the mood for a twilight zone night, try a Daphne du Maurier story instead. You'll not be disappointed.

Pirates Sequel

A sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean is in the works. Already they have signed on Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. With any luck, I can weasel my way into the film and have a very nice kissing scene with Orlando or Johnny. If I'm really lucky, I'll get both. Wish me luck my friends. Hollywood, here I come!

Calcium

I was shopping recently for some calcium supplements, and found that there are numerous choices. There are many brands with different levels of calcium, some claim to have lncreased absorption, some come with magnesium and other nutrients, some even claim to have an improved formula with cancer fighting agents. Is this really true? What really the best type?

I found a few websites that explain some things about Coral Calcium. It's mined from the Okinawa reefs which are believed to be dead. Call me silly, but I can't imagine that it's a good thing to mine coral, dead or alive. Although I've been cut up and scratched by coral, I harbor no ill will. Thank goodness it's not the best calciium to choose.

According to WebMD, there are three types of calcium available.

1- Calcium carbonate -- the most common and least expensive -- comes from oyster shells and is absorbed best when taken with a meal.
2- Calcium citrate and calcium gluconate are formulated so that they can be taken without food.
3- Coral calcium consists of calcium carbonate, magnesium, and trace minerals like selenium and chromium.

So what is the best Calcium? According to WebMD, stick with Calcium Carbonate.

Here is another site that has some interesting information: Healthwatcher.net.

Green Hair

This evening I spent several hours swimming in a freinds pool. When I returned home, I found my hair had turned a color that would make the Jolly Green Giant quite jealous. I pulled out the trusty Paul Mitchel 3, which is formulated to remove chemical deposits. After washing, and washing, and more washing, I found that the green was not going to leave. I admit that I was crying at this moment. Quite worried that I would forever have to hide my hideous hair, I turned to the internet for some suggestions. There are quite a few websites that give some good treatments, but here is what I tried.
Tons of Ketchup, the real stuff. I applied this to my hair and let it sit for 40 minutes. After rinsing, every oune of green had gone back to live in Peter Pan's tights.
Oh happy day.

Why only skip lunch, when you can skip all the time.

A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by loosing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded, “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.

“No, from skipping.”

The Count of Monte Cristo

I recently finished the book “Count of Monte Cristo” by Alexandre Dumas. The story was quite entertaining, and held my interest from the very beginning.
I was Expecting the story to be somewhat close to the 2002 movie staring James Caviezel, but found the movie quite altered from the book. Knowing that the story must have been made into several movies throughout the years, I turned to the public library to look for hope. It turns out that there are at least 6 different versions available made in 1912, 1934, 1971, 1974, 1999 & 2002. It may take several weeks to view the different versions, but this weekend I was able to view the 1974 version starting Richard Chamberlain. The first half of this version is very accurate. The second half took so many wrong turns, it was beyond disappointing.

I am convinced that to truly make this story in a way that will allow Alexandre Dumas to rest peacefully, it must be a 6-12 hour video.

Hey, they did it with Pride & Prejudice.

I Did It Again

Do you ever have those moments where you swear your brain turns just at the moment you need it most? You’re aware it has happened and while you’re trying to jumpstart the brain, your mouth goes on auto pilot and several things are said that you will NEVER live down. I had several moments like this today, and I’m sure it won’t be easy to loose the reputation of being a real blonde.

I do have this one comfort. I’m not the only one with this problem. Dan Quayle has made a few doosers that are still funny even today. On the Caltech web site, there are dumb quotes from celebrities, Dan Quayle, and some contestants from the TV show Family Feud. You may have seen some of these before, but read to the bottom. It’s certainly worth a good laugh.

Its nice to know that even if my blunders big, at least I’m not famous with my name and picture associated with my faux pas.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles

This evening I finished Thomas Hardy’s “Tess of the d’Urbervilles”. Written in 1891, Hardy considered this novel to be one of his greatest masterpieces.

In Tess of the d’Urbervilles, Tess is a peasant girl who goes by the last name of Durbeyfield. Her family was once part of the English aristocracy. Due to their decline, their name was changed from d’Urbeville to Durbeyfield.

Throughout the novel, Tess was thrown into situations that go against the rigid social conventions of the time. She was torn between two men, Alec who seduces and or rapes (this point isn’t exactly clear in the novel, but the reader is left to believe it was possibly rape), and Angel, her husband who abandons her immediately after their marriage.

I believe I cried throughout the last quarter of the book. The situation Tess finds herself in could cause any person to go mad. If at any time you feel life is hard, read this novel. You will walk away feeling that life has been good to you.

Also, I found this fascinating and wildly romantic, so I had to add this tid bit of information regarding Thomas Hardy. His ashes are in Westminster Abbey, but his heart was buried separately near Egdon Heath, a place made famous in his novels.

The Food Chain

According to Iowa State University there is high nutritional value in food that many people never consider eating. It’s a shame more people aren’t eating June Beetles as you can get 13.4 g of protein, 22.6 mg of calcium and 6 mg of Iron. Lets see you try and get that kind of nutrition from your bowl of cherrios.

I can’t help but wonder how one would extract the beetle from the shell.

For all those anxious to learn a few bug recipes:
chocolate covered grasshoppers
Mealworm Fried Rice
Chocolate Chirpie Chip Cookies
Banana Worm Bread

Bon Appetit

Lord Of The Rings

I've read the books, but I still tend to get lost in Tolkien's world. I found some information that is quite useful. You can refresh your memory on the different people and their roles, the creatures and view maps. Here is another site that as it gives some additional information that makes Tolkien's world even more magical.

Hidalgo

Viggo Mortensen will star in the movie Hidalgo, a movie based on an autobiography by Frank T. Hopkins. Viggo plays the part of Frank who is an American cowboy with a horse named Hidalgo. They are invited to ride in a 3,000 mile survival race through the Arabian Desert.

The movie will be out in October, and I honestly believe the wait might drive me mad.

Horoscope Mumbo Jumbo

Almost daily I get on the web and read my horoscope. I start off with the hope and dream that what it says will really come true. Each day I receive even more confirmation that the people who put these things together are beyond cleaver. They dazzle us with the possibilities we only imagine. Even when they don’t come true, we still come back for more.

I have found my calling in life. I will be a dazzler (a.k.a. horoscope writer) and I will give you all one free horoscope. With my new profession I will be rich beyond belief.

Were you cool in high school?

Last night I ran into a guy who went to my high school. We didn't really know each other, but had several similar friends. Although our mutual friends were considered popular, neither of us achieved the popular status. I was an orchestra geek who had about 5-7 friends total, he was in choir, good-looking and had a lead role in Guys and Dolls.

What is it that makes the cool crowd cool? I'm curious, were you popular in high school? If so, what made you popular? Would you consider yourself cool/popular today?

BeJeweled

I have never been a big computer game player. I'm not talking about the fancy games, I'm talking about the free games you can download from MSN. I came across Bejeweled several months ago and I've been an adict ever since. I find myself clicking and clicking and clicking, hour after hour. My mind goes blank and my fingers do the work.

I'm currious to know if anyone else has a funny adiction to a mind numbing game like Bejewled.

Side note. I removed the irritants post. Have a nice day.

Mel's Diary: Potty Training The Cat

Attempt #1: I put the litter box on the toilet to get the cat accustomed to the change. Gave treats every time he used it correctly.

Why it failed: Atticus thought it would be so much fun to show me he knew where the litter box was, and only used it when I was in the bathroom to give him a treat.

Really wish I had some scotchguard.

Attempt #2: Purchased the Kitty Wiz training system. After the purchase, I realized that the plastic seemed rather flimsy. Atticus thought so too, as he used it as a trampoline and broke it within the first 3 hours.

Why it failed: Kitty Wiz is for kittens/cats under 10 lbs (which Atticus is), but mostly for kittens under 1 lb (a much less known fact).

Attempt #3: After talking to Alicia (the pet guru), I raised the litter box a few inches each day to be equal height to the toilet. The idea being that Atticus would jump up on the toilet to access the litter box. The litter box was then switched to a cardboard box with short sides. This is a more stable "Kitty Wiz" approach. Each day the litter was reduced, the sides were cut lower and the small hole in the bottom of the box was cut larger. The idea being that Atticus would eventually start using the hole in the box that dumps into the toilet.

Why it failed: Atticus discovered that he could make the clay kitty litter disappear down the hole, and it never occurred to him that his pooh-pooh could do the same. Thank goodness I caught the problem before I had to call a plumber.

Attempt #4: Found this web site and was dazzled by another method. The idea is that you put a bowl in the toilet with a small amount of kitty litter and reduce it over time. Eventually switch over to water. As long as your cat puts 2-4 feet on the seat, you're in good shape to get it toilet trained.

Why this has almost failed: Atticus puts all 4 feet in the bowl. According to the web site, I'm in trouble.

Now Atticus likes to play in the kitty litter and splash it all over the bathroom.

I think I could cry.

Are You Millionaire Material?

Here is a test to see if you're cut out to be a millionaire. It confirmed everything I already knew. I should have been born rich.

Name This Quote Source

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing, only I will remain."

The best fish finder

There are many types of fish finders and sure-fire catching techniques in the world today. There are the fancy electronic devices that give the depth and show where the fish are hiding. There are the old men who stand by the dock and point to the spots where the fishing is best. Countless books and magazines are dedicated to the art of finding and catching fish. You're left with the question, do they work?

I've tried the electronic fish finders. It was quite helpful in finding a school of large fish. I bated my hook, dropped the line, then sat and waited. Nothing happened, the fish did not respond. I then used some of the techniques taught in magazines and books. Hours later, still no fish. I'm perfectly convinced that the fish examine the bait, giggle to themselves, then take a nap beside it to infuriate the fisherman or in my case, fisherwoman.

Drastic measures must then be taken. I proceeded towards the old man beside the dock. He must have been in his mid-80's wearing a shabby hat held together with a variety of hooks and tied flies, therefore appearing to be the leading authority on catching fish. For 20 minutes he instructed me on the correct technique, the needed bait, and finally the golden information - the spot.

The hike to the golden spot, which would be better described as a scary marsh, took only 1 hour. Once there, I was suddenly aware of other fishermen who apparently had been told about this exact golden spot. The thought came to me that the old man was most likely sitting at home on his lazy boy laughing at the stupidity of yet another desperate fisherman.

Although electronic fish finders, magazines and old experts in the field can be rather good fish finding tools and methods, the very best method is something I'm going to tell you about now. It's a tried and true method that will never leave you fishless again. It is as follows:

Park your car behind large shrubs. It is important that it is not seen by anyone and has a fast, easy access for an escape. It is essential you do not look like a deer, or any other animal that could be mistaken for a good kill. It is also important not to wear anything that can draw too much attention. Once you are settled nicely on a good lookout point behind some shrubs, pull out your 20/50 binoculars. Search the lake for the fishermen pulling in the fish of choice. This is the best fish finder, as you not only get to see where the fish are biting, you also get to hone in on the bait of choice, size of sinker, size of bobber, jigging action, rhythm of jig, kind of line, size of line, color of line, kind of fishing pole, size of pole, size of reel, moon phase, high tide, time of month, water temp, atmospheric pressure, how he's holding his jaw and tongue at time of cast, and of course the kind of goodies in their treat box. All this can be viewed in the secluded area behind the bushes. No electronic fish finder or other technique will give you the results you will achieve with this method.

Just remember this when you pull in your prize catch: You learned it here first.

Happy casting.

Practical Jokes
I enjoy a practical joke just like everyone, but I feel that this is taking things a bit too far. Funny idea, but I don’t think it should have gone further than an idea. I think I would cry if someone sent this stuff to me.

I found this site by searching “get even” on google. The story is like this. I ran into an old flame today and was quite happy to see him after 4 years. We talked for about 10 minutes and by the end I wanted to get away fast. He was once a very conservative person, but now uses language that is more suited for a sailor. I really like the theory of, “The best revenge is to live well”, I’m so thrilled that I have lived well. To be honest, it broke my heart to see that he is doing everything BUT living well. I never thought that living well would make me feel bad for the other person. Revenge isn’t all it’s cracked up to be after all.

Changes in Life

Goals
Today I have decided to make a few changes in my life. The first is this: I will get to work on time everyday. Not 1 hr late, not 30 min late, not 2 min late. ON TIME. If anyone wants to laugh, please do so now. I just want you all to know that is true stuff. It's going to happen!

I will announce the next goals once I acheive this first one.

Funny Ad
The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls: SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

Living Your Dreams

Living Your Dreams

For years I've been wanting a Vespa. The selections available in the USA consist of the ET2 & ET4. I've been told by a dealer that I can import a different model, but it would cost loads of $$$. Since I'm rather poor, I'll just have to stick with the currently available models. One thing for sure, I'm going to get mine in platinum, light blue or light green.

If I'm a good girl and save one dollar a week, I'll be able to buy one in 15 years.

Cook Wise

I'm so happy I could fly. This last weekend I found a book that is more precious than Atticus. It's sometimes refered to as the bible of cooking. Even the pro chefs call Shirly Corriher to answer their cooking questions and problems. In case you haven't guessed, the book is called CookWise, The Hows & Whys of Successful Cooking.

Today I learned about the changes natural proteins go through when cooked, and how to cook the perfect eggs, chicken and fish.

For the last 8 months I've been trying to steal my fathers copy of the book. He keeps it under his shirt when I visit. This last weekend we found a copy that I could finally afford. Heaven must be smiling upon me.

Masculine

Manly Things- A Straw?

Do you believe that a straw could be considered a manly object?

Picture this:
A guy with a bad temper is walking down the street holding his can of pop, sticking out of the top of the can is a straw. As he is walking, a person bumps into him causing him to spill some of his drink on his yellow stained muscle shirt. Immediately he stops and grabs the offender by the arm. Obviously the offender squirms and gets away. The bad tempered guy starts yelling in his deep voice, "Get back here". He then puts his lips on the straw and starts to drink.

I don't know about you, but straws in cans of pop just don't seem very manly.

Movie Quotes To Live By:

Come September with Rock Hudson.
"No love affair can survive if either party starts to think"
"Why be miserable with someone you don't love. Better be miserable with someone you do love".

So I Married An Axe Murderer with Mike Myers
This one has special meaning, as my mother is an avid reader of the Weekly World News.

"Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News 'the paper.' A paper contains facts".

"Give your mother a kiss before I kick your teeth in."

"Dad, how can you hate 'The Colonel'? Because he puts a secret ingredient in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!"

"Would ya look at the size of that kid's head! It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick! I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow."

Wilson Brothers

Rumor has it that both Wilson brothers are single. I am in love. The question is, which Wilson brother can I get? Luke, and Owen are both deliciously good actors. Away to Hollywood I go. So long my friends. Wish me luck.

Correction. Originally I thought my friend Tyler wrote this, but it appears that it was written by this guy. I hope you enjoy this bit of humor.

When I was a kid, adults used go on forever with their tedious diatribes
about how hard things were when they were growing up- what with walking
twenty five miles to school every morning, uphill both ways through year
'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their
one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average, despite
their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they
worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to
death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was
going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it, and
how easy they've got it! But... now that I've reached my thirties, I can't
help but look around and notice the youth of today. They've got it so damn
easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, they live in Utopia! The kids today
don't even know how good they've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet- we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! And there
was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen! And
then we had to walk all the way down the block and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music- you had to
go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Yup, just like Winona
Ryder. Try sticking an LP album under your jacket! Or, we had to wait
around all day to tape it off the radio. And the DJ'd usually talk over the
beginning and screw it all up!
And if you think that sounds like hardship?
We didn't have fancy stuff like call waiting! If we were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy
caller ID boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It
could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, or your drug dealer. You
just didn't know!!! We just had to pick it up and take our chances!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600 with games like "Space
Invaders" and "Asteroids," and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little
square or a line! You had to use your imagination! And there were no
multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever, and you could
never win! The game just kept getting harder and faster until you died.
When we went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height. A tall guy sat in front of
you, or a woman with a big hat, or someone with an afro, you were screwed!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that meant like 20
channels, and there was no onscreen menu! We had to use a little book
called the TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon
Network! We could only get cartoons on Saturday morning......D'ya hear what
the hell I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little
bastards!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy!
You're spoiled, and I swear to God that you wouldn't last five minutes back
in 1980!

Robots

On June 10, 2003 at 1:58:47pm EDT NASA launched a robot named Spirit to the planet Mars. The trip to Mars is about 7 months, which will give Spirit plenty of time to learn all he can about the place. The space program can only take advantage of launching to Mars every 26 months. due to planet position. So hopefully all will go well with this mission. They believe Spirit will be able to run a series of test to look at rocks and see if it's a good place to live. While Spirit is there, he will also examine clues to any water activity.

This is so cool.

Here is a quote I found on Inner Peace

I recently read an article that said the best way to achieve inner peace is to FINISH things I had started. So, today I finished two large bags of potato chips, a chocolate pie, a small box of chocolate candy, and I slapped the living */@*! out of someone I have never liked. I feel better already.

-author unknown

Flax Seed

Every morning for a week I've been taking broken flax seed in juice (icky fruit punch). This was per the suggestion of my father, who is rather knowledgeable on the needs of Mel. The only things I knew about this stuff is:
1- high in fiber
2- high in Omega-3 (I didn't know much about this stuff except that it's an EFA- essential fatty acid, a plyunsaturated fat and contains abundant amounts of alpha linolenic acid (ALA).

Knowing very little on what this stuff could do for me, here are the results I found so far.
Decreased appetite
Water loss
Sense of well being

So could these results be due to the flax seed? I found some interesting stuff on flax seed and on Omega-3 that might explain my improved health.
At goldenflax, it explains that Omega-3 is good at treating depression. For those who know me, I'm not prone to depression. We all have our ups and downs, but that's different. But this might explain my "sense of well being".

According to Immunesupport, EFA's help support the immune system and will help fight agains viruses, bacteria and allergies. It's also beneficial for helping to fight cancer. It also explains that flax seed and Omega-3 help promote weight loss and aids in digestion and promotes healthy glowing skin? Ooo, glowing skin. For those that know me, is it working?

So there you have it. I will not only loose weight, I'll be extra happy, fight cancer, and have glowing skin.
I'll keep you posted on how good I feel next week.

Answers to Herb & Spice Quiz

Correct answers to the herb & spice quiz

Ginger-
A- Will cause you to sweat. Be sure to wear your deodorant. Why would you want to sweat?
B- Will help you with gas and congestion. So it's a good idea to keep some ginger in your back pocket.
C- Is thought to be an aphrodisiac Ohh.. don't forget this one
My father candies ginger, orange peel & garlic. Icky.

Nutmeg-
A- Will reduce flatulence Dan will be happy
B- Improves appetite Not good if you can't stop eating
D- Does contain Myristicin. You can hallucinate on larger doses. However, it can also be fatal if you take too much.

Cumin-
A- Does reduce colic
B- Is an aphrodisiac. In the middle ages, it's thought to help make lovers less fickle. Good date item
C- Dan, you can cheer. It does reduce flatulence.

Bay Leaf-
A- Does contain an insectide. As my daddy tells me, "it helps keep the critters away". If you want to keep bugs out of your flour, stick a bay leaf in the bag.
B- In the middle ages, it was thought to induce abortions. That's really sick!
C- Was thought to have magical qualities. Perhaps because it kept bugs away.

Mustard-
A- Does bring blood to the serface. It's really good for sore/tight muscles in the neck. Use it as a massage oil or lotion.
B- It does relieve toothaches. Ouch my tooth, please pass the mustard. Mmmmmm, mustard
C- Does help cure scorpion stings and snake bites. It takes away the biting pain, similiar to the way peanut butter takes away the sting from a bee. I don't think it can save your life though.

Congratulations to you all for your astounding ability to get 100% on the quiz. Ask the person next to you to give you a pat on the butt.

Friday the 13th

Tradition has it that Friday the 13th will be a very unlucky day for everyone in the world. I can honestly say that I have had unlucky days at random, and the bad luck guy who passes his fortune around doesn't necessarly wait to show his face for Friday the 13th. So what makes this day so scary? I personally believe that that it's all a bunch of mumbo jumbo that was put together to cause fear in people. For as we all know, it's quite fun to get people to believe things that we fabricate.

In my quest to find the source of the unlucky Friday. I came across this site. As I suspected, there are numberous reasons this day could be bad. My favorite is from the Norse culture where the god Loki crashes a party of 12. I'm guessing he was intentionally not invited, being the party animal. Another favorite is from a British tradition of hanging people on Friday. Before they were hung, they would walk up 13 stairs to get to the noose. Ohh.. creepy.

In 4 days we get to enjoy this unlucky day. Knowing what all the fuss is about, I hope you will enjoy taunting all the superstitious people around you. Perhaps we should make this Friday, "Bring your black cat to work day".

Things You Should Know By Now

I received this list from my mother. It's not only informative, but very funny. I have added my thoughts in italics.

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. (Or singing in the street makes you Sinatra)
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. (~raspberry~ Are you calling me fat? Stupid head)
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
7. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. (This is something we practice at work)
8. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
9. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
10. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
11. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. (Amen)
12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
13. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. (Something my father knows well)
14. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
15. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. (A single loaf of bread $3.50. That's just wrong)
16. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
I would just like to add one of my own to this collection.
17. The sweetest things in life aren't always the easiest to get. If you don't believe this, try stealing honey from a swarm of bees.

Test your Herb and Spice knowledge.

Ginger-
A- Can cause you to sweat
B- Helps with gas and congestion
C- Thought to be an aphrodisiac

Nutmeg-
A- Reduces flatulence
C- Improves appetite
D- Contains Myristicin (hallucinogen)

Cumin-
A- Reduces Colic
B- Thought to be an aphrodisiac
C- Reduces flatulence

Bay Leaf-
A- Contains an insectide
B- In middle ages it's thought to induce abortions
C- Thought to have magical qualities

Mustard-
A- When used topically, helps to bring blood to the surface
B- Helps relieve toothaches
C- Helps to cure scorpion stings and snake bites

Answer key will be posted on 6/7/03.

Thanks!

Have you noticed that there is a major under-use of gratitude in the world today? Recently I've become aware of several times where gratitude was not only mistakenly left out, it was occasionally deliberate.

While visiting the bank earlier this week, the teller went above and beyond her duity to serve me, the customer. At the end of the transaction, I mumbled a quick "thanks" and ran out the building. As I was driving away, I realized how exceptional the teller was at providing service. All she got in return was a mumbled "thanks", as I was preoccupied in selfish matters. If I could go back in time, I think I would have made it a point to verbally show my appriciation. Although I now plan to write a letter to her manager, the fact is that the best moment for gratitude was missed.

Last night a friend, we'll call him Ronny Meepleton, told me about a time he neglected a proper use of the word thank you (which is surprising as Ronny is a very considerate person). Apparently, not terribly long ago, a cute girl called him up and asked him out on a date. Quite surprised at the invitation, and rather disappointed at not liking the girl, he replied with one word, "no". That was it, no explination, no "thanks, but no", nothing. I imagine the girl was quite distraught. I wouldn't be surprised if she worked out a way to get revenge. Watch yourself Ronny.

A co-worker, we'll call him Joe Fusco, told me about some ongoing acts of kindness that he ignores even to this day. Apparently his mother-in-law will go above and beyond her call of duty and clean his house, iron his clothes, babysit his kids, cook his meals, and I'm guessing she also holds up tissues for him to blow his nose. All he has to do is remove the silver spoon in his mouth and produce the slightest effort to blow. With all this, Joe refuses to show any gratitude to his mother-in-law. He claims he doesn't like her, so she doesn't deserve thanks. I imagine the mother-in-law might work out revenge.

BOLOGNA!

Joe- Before you eat your food, be sure it doesn't have any surprises.

Shame on me, Ronny, Joe and anyone else who is guility. We all deserve slapped hands. We can all do better. Lets make people feel good about themselves. Show some gratitude.

Everyday at 3:30pm I punch the time card and run out of the building. While exiting the building I bounce down an executive stairway, allowing my keys to clank against the metal railing. This is something I have been doing for years, although I never realized that I did it until today. As I came to the bottom of the stairwell, I received a dirty look that spoke 1000 words. Apparently the executives don't appreciate my way of announcing myself at quitting time.

Oh my goodness, like I'm the only one who has an annoying habit.

To make myself feel better, I thought about other rather annoying habits I've observed others doing in the building:
-Spit flem balls into the drinking fountains (Icky)
-Not flush (Double Icky)
-Cut in the food service line (Just darn rude)
-Stand outside my cubicle and talk loud (Hello, I can hear you)

Needless to say, I am greatful to be free from the obliviousness of another bad habit. Moving forward, I will create my farwell musical melody in full force, and enjoy the fact that I am aware that it's happening.

Check out your sports knowledge. MSN.
I really enjoy sports, but only got about 50% right.

Jokes from Larry.
Larry is one of the bosses here and every morning he treats us to a few precious jokes. I hope you enjoy them.

"I thought I was coming down with a cold and the thought hit me, maybe I'm just allergic to klenex tissues."

"A farmer notices his horse is depressed. He goes out to the barn and asks, 'why the long face?"

Last week I was trying to create a strawberry desert dish that called for Arrowroot powder (a thickner). Being rather poor and not wanting to spend $$ on this rather expensive thickner, I turned to one of the best food websites around food subs.

This site gives detailed information on foods and what can be the best substitutes. If you are a poor cook I highly recomend checking out this site.

Peanuts

Gimme Peanuts Please

Growing up I believed that peanuts/peanut butter belonged only on sandwiches and in candy bars. Leave it out of cookies and please keep that messy peanut shell pile away from me.

Today my viewpoint has changed a bit. At a UofU football game last fall my date ordered, you guessed it, peanuts in the shell. To be polite I tried one (with a smile). The fake smile didn't last long. The peanut was incredibly delicious. Between the two of us, we ate 4 bags of these addicting, high fat, messy nuts.

Yesterday my company gave us all a bag of peanuts, and in our somewhat professional afternoon meeting, we were chowing down. Nuts and shells were flying everywhere as we all indulged ourselves.

Why, I ask myself, is it so addicting to crack the shell, pop the nuts, then toss the shell aside? This process continues until every peanut shell has been cracked and every peanut has been popped.

In searching the interent, I found that peanuts are quite healthy. Check out this website peanuts.
To sum it up, peanuts lower triglycerides and helps to increase nutrients good in preventing heart disease like magnesium, folate, vitamin E, copper (good if you're not wanting to have gray hair), arginine and fiber.
Although I couldn't find anyone to explain the addiction factor of peanuts, at least I now know that I'm helping to fight heart disease everytime I get caught in the addictive cracking and popping cycle.

So next time you're at a game, remember to say "pass the peanuts please".

Have you ever wondered how you would be if you were a villain? Would you be a Joker (Batman), Magnito (X-Men), Sherikan (Jungle Book), Todd (mom and dad save the world), or Dr Evil (Austin Powers)? If you have ever wondered this, check out this website. So you've decided to be evil.
This will help you create an evil plan complete with motive and step by step instructions.
Just to give you an idea, here is my personal evil plan.

Congratulations on being the creator of a new
Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Widespread Misery.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Love (Yes, it works)

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first clone a town mascot. This will cause the world to wipe the sleep from their eyes, amazed by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as a dark gunslinger?


Stage Two
Next, you must sabotoge the Moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of mean english teachers hasten to do your every bidding.


Stage Three
Finally, you must unleash your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about pain, suffering, the usual. Your name shall become synonymous with sheer dementedness, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to name you evil man/woman of the year.

Are Hungry Dogs Safe?

The answer is maybe. If you buy feed from Champion Pet Food out of Alberta, your recently purchased bag may be at risk. Accroding to msnbc news, some dog food may have been made using Canadian cows suspected of having mad cow disease. mad cow.
There is some good news in this, ironically. According to the report, Dogs will not contract Mad Cow. The problem is that the Dog food in question may be mixed with other animal feed causing a possible spread of mad cow disease. Oh the joys of living on Planet Earth!